Relevance?

This is what i came across while surfing channels today afternoon. And somehow it struck me...i found it interesting in somewhat weird way...

"Do you like her?"
"I do, actually. I really do. But that is irrelevant."

And just for those who have a doubt, this is not put out of context. This is all the conetxt there was.

Dedicated to... a song...and something much more than that...

i had to write a post dedicated to this special song which i've been in love with for quite some time now. In fact, i "owe" a post to this song and this delay has been mainly due to the fear of not being able to do justice to it. But then, i guess i'll not be able to do it anyway...so here it goes...

The song i am talking about is "Maine Dil se Kaha" from the movie - Rog. It is penned down by Neelesh Misra and Sayeed Quadri and the music is by M.M. Kareem. Yes, the same musician who has given Awarapan(Jism).The song is sung extremely beutifully by K.K. In fact, i doubt if any other voice could have fitted this song so well. Now, apart from all these facts, what exactly is so special you would ask. To make it crisp, i guess the most special element of this song is the touch of "honesty" and "purity" that it has. Am no pundit of music and do not understand the intricasies of it. But what i do understand is, this song touches the soul. You hear it over n over again, n still, that sacred element of purity is present everytime. 

It makes you laugh, makes you cry... But takes you closer to something pure. Something very subtle... It is very pleasant yet very disturbing at the same time. Listening to it, you feel like you better drop all your shields and just flow with it. And it is this element of honesty,purity which makes the song suitable for almost every ocassion. i burnt it when i thought the life cannot get worse and i also sat n listened to it in silence when one of my most cherished dreams came true... And both the times, it somehow managed to fit the ocassion perfectly. Now, the lyrics can be considered to be sad by some and the music as dull; but then the whole combo of that music,voice and lyrics is not sad...it is not dull...it is not euphoric either... it is just... just like talking to oneself...beyond the world we are facing and trying to grapple with, but not leaving it at the same time... 

i know i havent been able to do justice to what this song stands for, but then we knew it right from the start...did'nt we? 

Just following some trend...

Here is how a word cloud generated for this blog looks like...

Interesting, eh?

Continuing with the "Spuriously Genuine" thought...

After my post entitled "Spuriously Genuine", i got some comments which said, what is the big deal? Let me tell you what the big deal is. The thing is that i am confused to no end when i think about genuineness of what i feel. If an extreme experience such as that described in that post was not genuine, what would be? If all the arguments and assumptions made in that post hold, it means that whenever we know that we are thinking/feeling something,it does not remain valid as genuine anymore. And then unless we know it, it is of no use to us. It is very much like the role of information content in an efficient market. As soon as it is known, it loses its value and everything is reflected in the prices. The issue is, we can carry on with semi-strong efficiency in markets. But can we do so with our life?

Also, i had a long discussion about the topic with one of my friends (yes, i do have a few of them) today. As a sidenote, it was a very pleasing and enriching experience after quite a long time and i thank him for that. Thanks dost! Coming back to the issue at hand, one point which came up during the discussion was that of consciousness about the thought/feeling and its effect on the requirement of validation. What we stumbled upon was a concept where i think every thought/feeling starts very consciously and then we need validation for that. It need not be true in trivial matters wherein the thought is that of waking up early the next morning or having a cup of tea instead of a regular cup of coffee. Here i am referring to the feelings which the society does not perceive to be "genuine by default" and looks at with a shadow of doubt. One such very easily observable feeling is that of love. Again, by society i do not mean entire human being on the planet but the relevant part of it for the given context and it includes oneself.

Now, as a social creature with a decent exposure to the expectations of society; we know that the probability of this feeling being appreciated and accepted as a genuine one increases if it is subconscious one which suddenly, naturally, and accidentally came to surface. This tends to make us camouflage this conscious feeling very conveniently with a mask of subconscious element. Again, as i had mentioned in that post, this is not really intentional; but automatic out of our desire of validating it and the convenience it offers.

The next question which came was where and when does this "manipulation" start? Say i am claiming the current thoughts of mine as manipulated, my friend went upto time t = 0.01 seconds after the birth of a child. At that time, the thoughts, reflexes and feelings of the child will be natural as s/he has not had exposure to the environment yet. Again, these reactions will be different for different babies, but each one being genuine in its own. Now, as time goes on, that child is being exposed to many things simultaneously: the facts as s/he observes, the environment s/he lives in, his/her interpretations of the facts being observed and corresponding reactions decided, and the feedback to those actions by the society. This forms a simple learning process which unfortunately also goes on increasing proportion of "manipulation" in the thinking and feeling. And as the time reaches t = 20 years or so, the proportion of genuineness reduces due to the multiplicative rule. And my claim is that by this time it starts tending towards zero. It might vary with person but for a large enough sample, the distribution can be expected to be a highly peaked one with a very low mean. i realize that what i have tried to put across is a very crude way of interpreting the whole thing, but this is the best i could think of right now. Would really welcome you all with different views/interpretations.

The bottom line is, if i cannot trust my thoughts/feelings to be genuine once they become known; and they are of no use until i know them; what is it that i can really trust as genuine? What is it that i can hang onto?

Ever thought of restarting all over again?

There are times when i think i am just acting on what is written in the drama called life. i used to object this thought strongly and liked to believe that i was the master of my destiny. But now i feel i don't really mind acting; provided someone changes this God-damned script please.

Sometimes i wonder what is it that am lacking the most in this life? If given a chance to ask for anything, what would it be? Did i want to be Einstein, Gandhi or Mother Teresa to start with? Well, i am too materialistic for that i guess. But nonetheless, i could come up with the list of things which i consider divine enough to strive for and even go through all the fuss called "daily life" all over again. Here goes the list in no particular order... I want to be reborn on this earth...

1. To play Sachin's innings in Sharjah(1998) and World Cup (against Pakistan, 2003)
2. To play a piece of Guitar similar to that in "Coming back to Life" (Pink Floyd) or anything by Metallica or if nothing else, some pieces of "Life in a Metro" music.
3. To write a piece of literature as commendable as "Animal Farm" (George Orwell) or "Atlas Shrugged" (Ayn Rand)
4. To sing all those songs sung by KK with the same quality and expressions
5. To think as beautifully as Spinoza or Descartes
6. To exhibit the courage of Akash in DCH, determination of Karan in Lakshya, and hope of Andy in Shawshank Redemption
7. To be able to think without knowing it and thus be seriously genuine in my thoughts and hence actions (Ref. the previous to the last post titled "Spuriously Genuine")

If nothing of above is to be true and am to be on this earth again, i would like to be a completely stupid, narrow-minded, insensitive and little educated fellow. Because, in my opinion, these are the kind of people who enjoy the most in the life... and are the happiest of the lot. Strange, but true!

At the speed of light? Really?

We are very used to saying "at the speed of light"... we say it, read it and hear it every now and then. But, what i fail to understand is, why not at the speed of darkness? If what we want to hint by saying "at the speed of light" is "very fast"; wouldn't darkness be a better analogy? Coz we can observe that darkness spreads much faster than the light and also, it is a state by default. Any source of light would need some time to fill up an enclosed room with light. However, no time lag would be required to fill up that room with darkness and it would come naturally as well...

And for someone more inclined towards the real meanings, the speed with which darkness and light fill up our life should be satisfactorily sufficient to declare the winner i guess...

What say?

Spuriously Genuine?

Just yesterday i had this long, zero-value-add debate with one of my friends... The moot point of the debate was something i have been grappling to understand for quite some time now. The issue under question is the genuineness of what we think we really think or even more abstractly, what we "feel". And by no means i am questioning the intentions here. But i guess sometimes we become manipulative to even ourself and that too out of our knowledge. The reason might be knowing too much about the way a particular thought and/or a feeling is interpreted. I mean, it is very much like a dynamic psychometric test which people scrap through for jobs and all. Because as a candidate i know how my answer to a particular question would be interpreted, i change my answer for it to fall in line with what is expected. If i do that intentionally, i am just committing a fraud, no doubt, but what if that is not intentional? i believe our education/training or whatever you may call it, makes us immune to this realization and it becomes automatic to fraud.

Let me give an example. Just before two months or so, i was on my way back from HK to India with a stop at Singapore. the first leg of journey was nice and smooth, but on the flight from Singapore, when everyone was having dinner, the plane started wobbling a bit too much for comfort. The pilot announced that the weather was turning very bad and we might be compelled for an emergency landing and should get ready for it. The trays were pushed back and the crew started giving instructions about what to do in case of emergency landing. Now, even if you know all this before boarding a flight, this is something when you feel a pit in your stomach. I just tried to go through basic flight information being displayed on my screen and realized it was of no relevance. Five more minutes and the wobbling was ever increasing or that is what i felt. And then i closed my eyes and tried to relax...one more arbit swing of the plane and kind of everything my life has been till now flashed in front of my eyes... some faces, some places. Obviously, it was a split second kind of thing and i find it worth a laugh now, considering that the plane did not require emergency landing and everything returned to normal soon.

But, this got me thinking once i was at home and had enough time. Why only those faces and those places? A popular story offers some "insightful" explanation - claiming those persons and places being something i really care about and do not want to get away from. Interesting! Now tell me one thing... as i knew this even before this incident happened, isnt it possible that my brain(ok, i give in...it was me,myself) tricked me into seeing those faces and places because i wanted to make my associations with them more authenticated and natural?

i have elaborated one incident here which i feel was strong enough for me to raise this question. But we see the kind of things i've been talking about everyday. Remember that kid you met some days back who "likes" nothing but science and astronomy (because his parents told him that it was cool) and that guy next door who just realized that he was in love because he had suddenly lost all his sleep and just one thought occupied his mind! Duh, gimme a break! Again, i am not doubting anyone's intentions here. But don't you think that kid or that guy are just victims of the results driving the causes?

i have something more to say on the issue and feel i've not done justice to the topic. So would continue in the next post... (ha ha, as if you really care! )

Unworthy...

Back after a long time... And that too with a poem i read on insti NB... posted by one of our super-seniors... I liked it and so here it goes... Again, complete credit to the original writer and i am just reposting the poem here...


Unworthy

Unworthy is he, who loves and is not loved
He knows, but feigns he has not erred

A smile on the lips, a prayer in the heart
The unlikely signs of a painful dart

Struck deep in the soul, profusely bleeding
And yet he labours, the agony unheeding

Every waking hour, spent selflessly caring
Every sleepless night he's desperately preparing

For the day when the world will at last fall apart
A gentleman, more worthy, will lay claim to her heart

She'll find joy, he hopes, in those fortunate arms
And forever be glad in his unwitting charms

She will find true happiness and all will be well
The hole in his heart will make life hell

The pain of knowing, what's his, couldve been mine
Will kill him daily, ten days out of nine

Knowing all that was ever needed, was to say it out loud
To speak to her heart, to shut out the crowd

And persist in the meaning, the living of love
To prove how he'd be there to tide out the rough

To prove how no other, could ever come close
To being her man, there'd be plenty of those

Those who would try to read her heart
Those who would try to play the part.

But there's only one, who has lived in her heart
Who talks to her heartbeat, who nurses the dart

She thinks she'll be happy, one man is like any other
Deep inside she knows, a heart has but one tether

More often than not, at the choice she will falter
And knowing full well, two lives she will alter

And both with a smile, join the hordes of pretenders
And endure the good life with their hearts in fetters

To this sad tale, im afraid theres no end
The victim, mind you, is always a friend

The love among friends is something to be seen
But some friendships, my friend, should never have been

You'll never walk alone...

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of the Storm there's a golden sky
And the sweet, silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone.
You'll never walk alone.

And then there comes a DAWN...

The final results for IIMs are declared and at last my dream day has come true...In all probabilities i am heading to IIMA or IIMC. Wherever i decide to land up in the end, a new dawn has arrived and am ready to embrace it with both hands... I always wondered how i would feel if this dream of mine came true someday and when it did today, nothing of what i had thought happened... I did not feel like jumping with joy or dancing. All i could feel was a state of extreme peace with myself... Probably, it is the closest i've felt with myself and i don't think i have enough skills with words to describe what i felt.

After initial euphoria set down and the phone stopped ringing, i searched for words which could describe what exactly i was feeling...n the thoughts stumbled upon the following which i think perfectly summarizes all that is going through mah mind(somehow i am finding it difficult to call it my brain...strange, stupid but true... ) right now...

When you are born you're afraid of the darkness,
And then you're afraid of the light,
But I'm not afraid when I dance with my shadow,
This time I'm gonna get it right...

- Taste of India, Aerosmith.

P1:"I Think...." P2:"Do 'You' Really???"

Hello All!

All of us at some point of time feel the mortality or futility of our existence. Though these two words are quite different when taken literally, if we analyze the cause of them, they seem to converge at the same point. There are many times when occurrence of some thing we might not have expected or non-occurrence of an expected thing (which in turn falls in the first case as an occurrence) makes us feel some voidness, some hollowness in our existence. And in one of the similar situations, this horrifying thought struck my mind..."Do i really exist?" "Or am i deceived to believe that i exist"? And even more strangely, when i say that "i believe", is it 'me' who believes or again am i deceived to think that i believe?? It might sound a bit vague or awkward to understand until one faces the situation himself, but if we put some thought to this entire thing objectively, without any bias, i think (do 'i' really?) we might appreciate it enough to probe it further.

When faced with somewhat similar situation, Rene Descartes came up with "Cogito,Ergo Sum" which literally means "I think, therefore I am ". He said that he could exist as long as he thought. And he also claims that this is the only thing which is certain in this holy world. But again, what do we mean by 'I' here? Are we really what we think we are? Or even further, do we really think when we think we think? The entire issue becomes somewhat simple if we take the dreams into the consideration. In dreams, everything we "see", everything we "feel" is quite close to reality and when it is not so, we should not question the dream only, but also the way we define reality. And also, it is the fact that when we dream, we take it to be reality...the way we define it normally. Then what is it that differentiates the dreams from the reality? Is it simply the fact that we get back to the senses after short time of the dreams? If it is, then i think we need to question whether we are getting back to the senses or to a bigger dream which deceives us to believe that it's the reality? I mean, right now you are reading this post of mine...had u done so in your dream, would it have been different?

So, the question boils down to "What is this 'I' ?" Are we really there, controlling our thoughts and our daily work or are we simply a character of someone else's dream, driven by his thoughts and wishes? Will there be a time when we'll shrug off this so called life of ours and wake up to describe the entire sequence of events we are going thru right now as a part of a dream, having it's plot on a planet called earth? As it's shown in much famous movie, Matrix, before breaking out of the Matrix, Neo's life was not what he thought it was. It was a lie. Can something similar happen to us as well? The difference might be that in the case of Neo, it was controlled by artificially intelligent computers whereas in our case, it might be we, ourselves...who knows?

Hey, just when i am writing this, a thought struck me...forcing me to stop from writing any further..."When i am doubting myself,
who is doubting whom?"
Any comments???

Meanwhile, i am with this...I thought that i thought therefore i was. But, then i thought that had i not thought, would i not be? And hence i thought that i was therefore i thought. But again i thought that had i not thought, would i have thought that i was? Hence i thought that " 'i m' is not there, but 'i think' is..."